Yesterday

Didnt get to post about a rad day because my sister was online so ill make up for it today. Morning, worked, blew, like usual. But got home, started talking to Buzo, organised to go skate with him and Buster, and that was the best idea ever. Although my camera broke, the day ruled. From actually skating to Just Jeans, it just made it all a good day. Got home, ate, and slept. Overall, a good day.
Sitting here planning when to go shower, got school in 2 hours. Yuck.

Peace

I haven't posted much, sorry to those who read this, but ive just had my mind elsewhere. Ive been focusing on my photography, finished the first roll of film with Ahmet yesterday, had to get it out of my camera the hard way, hopefully it didnt get exposed at all. Ahmet is an amazing kid, fucking, has had the worst luck when it comes to girls, life, everything. He has such a kind heart and always takes a back seat for someone elses needs. Its people like him that I can place what little faith in humanity i have in.

Cold

Freezing right now, will change into my pajamas and get blankets. Rules.

Lazy

Getting lazy with posting, sorry people who read, im just, yeah, losing my mind, cool.

Cube

Can not get enough of Ice Cube - It Was a Good Day. Like, listening to it, over and over and over and over. So good. Atmosphere also killing my mind.
Getting further and further with the Gildan wholesale organisation, its good fun to organise this, strange. I developed some photos from Anglesea on Friday, get to pick them up tomorrow.

Failure

My computer, my life, everything is a failure to me. I can't get a decent girl, i can't trust my family to own up to breaking shit. And im alone in picking up the pieces and fixing shit.

Dicks

Everything turns to fucking shit. I have a semi-alright day, just cruising along, talking to Grace, then all of a sudden it all goes to shit again. I see photos from Anglesea which just put me down, and then Grace just cracks the shits and stops talking. I fucking hate this.

Work

Gay as mate. Over it. Good vibes though for some reason.

Work

Found the photo of my work from today. Good 3 hours or so worth. Doesn't look like much, but considering one of those is a 500 second exposure, i think i did well.

Rain

Again, the morning depression kicks in, can't wake up. Took the chemicals of the darkroom to bring my mind to focus, and when it did, it wasn't the best. Thought about Anglesea some more, i know it's going anywhere, but there is always hope in my heart.
Saw the girl from my school, her hair was down, i freaked out, she's gorgeous.
Went to see Jenn, took that to actually bring me to this world. Listened to Atmosphere, it was somehow calming.

Yo

People that follow this, i'd actually like to hear your thoughts and for you to talk to me. Get in touch on my myspace, or facebook. Myspace link is on my profile, and facebook on my myspace.

Home

Alright day, not good, not bad. Still thought about her heaps.

Final

Last thoughts for tonight. I have nothing to be proud of, yet i have nothing to be ashamed of. I live in this neutral state of not worrying, and not caring. It's good, but not good enough. I don't know how to change it.

Mould

When you break free of the mould, the mould still exists. Rather than escaping, destroy it. Don't walk past people that want to talk in the street, stop, talk to them, open your mind to their cause. Its amazing what really happens in the world. From now on, when im walking around in the city alone, i vow to talk to those promoting a good cause. I started today, and although i couldn't sign up because im 17, i met some great people.

Winner

I bet nobody has realised that my last 4 blog posts (not including this) tell a story.

My

Just made facebook, no clue whats going on, sick of not being able to talk to girls, wasted another chance.

Life

I want to be a gastrotrich. Simple. Nobody knows you, can't see you, and if anything goes wrong, hey, you're dead in a day or two, who cares.
Amelia is making me think about things, i enjoy it.

Sucks

All i can think about is her, and it fucking blows. I need someone, one, im beyond trying to find perfection. Im 17, there is so much time to find perfect, i need something solid that i can either find my perfect in, or that will understand it's not a lifetime relationship at 17.

Dicks

I love Anglesea, then i have to fucking return back to a depressed state. Last night, was probably the best night of my life. Pub with good mates, pool, Barry, killed it. Then went to the girl's house, met an extremely cute girl, spent the night with her, then around 4am, finally went to bed, and it was amazing. But as with every girl i meet, it sucks. Im 17, she's 19, and she doesn't like that. Although i wish i could change that, i can't, and it blows.
Fuck massive anti-hype form Anglesea.

Again

Going again, peace

Workin'

Sucked balls. Got kicked off my own job to help others out, and then nobody helps me out. Typical.
Kayla still hasn't put our plan into practice, so im still 'taken,' sorry.
On the final note, Sam rules hard, he loves blogging so much I included him in this post.

Mistakes

The topic of the SAC today. Finished it heaps early.
On that note, mistakes are the topic of today in general. First off, my mission/bet with Spinz is about who can talk to the girl first, not girlfriend, my bad. And continuing from that, i nearly got there today. I had my number written on paper in my pocket all day today, but i never got a good chance to introduce myself.
Talked to Kayla today, im now her 'boyfriend,' for a good purpose.
Not keen to work tonight.

Downer

Back down to my depression state. I try so hard to make something work and offer myself up, and just get kicked in the teeth. Over this.
Some girls smiled at me tonight, got off the bus, giving me a chance to talk, and i couldnt. Im not made for girls. Fuck.

Skate

Good skate day today. Ahmet, nutter cunt, throws anything down anything. Got some good photos, can't wait to develop them and print them, going to be huge. Hopefully hook up more shoots with him soon.
Liz isn't talking much, sucks.

Moody

This photography thing is really pissing me off. You are not a photographer unless it is your career. You're fucking stupid. Having your own little photography myspace does not qualify you as a photographer. Anybody can take photos of inanimate objects out in the world, show some initiative and create, not capture. The way it's going, i'd agree photography is a science.

Art

The art community has gone to shit. Along with edge and hardcore, once a place for the truly lost and hopeless, now just a place for self proclaimed 'delinquents' that have no idea about its meaning or beginnings. I do not consider myself hardcore, or a photographer, although i listen to hardcore music and take photos. I think this view should be more widely held. Daddy buying you a digital SLR doesn't make you a photographer. Doubt they know what it means or how an SLR works. Wet process is dying, but i'll hold true to it.

Mission

It's on. Spinz and I are taking a one on one challenge, first to get a girlfriend wins. This will provide much enjoyment. He could win if he asked any girl.
Liz might be coming away with us this weekend, so good if she does!

Im nearly up to talking to her. Nearly.

Hypocritical

For all those i condemn, i am the same. I tell everyone to man the fuck up and deal with shit, yet i can't talk to this girl. I'm naturally finding out more stuff about her. She has class with Kelly when i have Multimedia. I want this to happen.

Alex is getting on my nerve. Decides to impose her idea of men onto me. Im not like them.

Tonight

Samir's was good, good chills with the other boys. Wallis, funny kid. But then i got in the car to go home, and i just like, fell. I lost my good vibes, started over thinking shit like usual.

Fuse

Fuse just blew, everything went down, provided minor entertainment. Now listening to Outbreak. One of the most underrated bands going around i'd say. They dont get as much exposure as Carpathian or Verse etc, but are just as good. Listen to them, or get fucked.

Devil

The Devil Went Down To Georgia. Keeping me amused. Downloading the sequel as we speak. Dicks to McDonalds, bored the shit out of me. Pretty broke at the moment, waiting for tax. Need it soon. I need a new board.

Jess

What a down girl, gets what im on about, and can respect my choice rather than crack the shits about it. Decent.

Night

Just got cruisy to GNT, ignored homework. Rulin'. Work sucked so im tuning out. I think i might have to skip photography again, finish off English so i can pass at least. Have to explain to Ali, but she should be cool. I need a new job, and to grow a fucking set.

Day

Alrighty, didnt see her today, so it's a weak reason, but one none the less. Im building to it, ill talk to her.

Kicks

Alright so bought some new shoes. Fresh new Nikes. Gotta wear them in. Ill wear them to go see Spina. I realised today i miss Delilah, was just thinking, and yeah, it also came to mind how much shit i've fucked up because im selfish.

Life

I've decided that edge is no longer for me.
This is not because everyone is doing it, but after a long talk with Matt, he's helped me open my eyes to the problems in the scene. It used to be about self control and doing whats best for yourself, now its about fitting in and being included. I will continue to not drink, smoke, do drugs or get around. These beliefs are too deeply set in myself to change anytime soon.
I'd just like to thank everyone who has helped me along the way, given kind words to keep me in it, but it seems the better path is no longer the better path. The past 2-3 years will never be forgotten, and i look forward to a future with all my friends still by my side, regardless of x's or not.
Thank you.

Regardless

I think ive said this over and over, and i can't remember what it's from, but im sick and tired of being sick and tired. And im sick of being lonely.

Balls

I couldnt bring myself to do it. Saw her a fair bit but i just couldnt do it.
Im losing skate ability, but getting cleaner on my bass. Tweaked my amp a little bit to get sounds right, hopefully prac this weekend to get this going.

Raelene

Thank god for girls like this. I could never thank her enough for her support over all these years. Shes convinced me to have a go.

School

Doing tallies with Tyson, best. He won today, putting us at 1-1. Multimedia Avenger is back, armed with new keyboards. Software, biggest joke ever. Psych, SAC is tomorrow, won't study and get an A again probably. English, gotta do a heap of work before Thursday or Friday or something, cram it all the night before. Ill do my focus statement for photography now. Shooting with Ahmet next week. Dude is a crazy cunt.
I am sick of the people i know now, im sick of not being able to talk to girls, im sick in general. Just needed to get those out of the way.

Band

Just a music update. Falling deeper and deeper in love with La Dispute, so heavy. Nothing else really taking my interest too heavily at the moment.
Just hoping this project with Bill, Nick and Cory gets off the ground. Any guitarists interested in joining a decent band, get in touch.
Hoping even more shit with Justin and James gets kicking. That is going to be the best ever. Tight bunch of dudes messing around and making good honest shit.

Work

Again, finding out more stuff. I get my shifts reduced because i'm the only person that will actually question managers and say no.

Mercenaries

Cbf talking to people. I wish i could believe in karma, then i'd know at least one day, i'd get payed back for all this bullshit i put myself through to help others. I won't say ill stop, because i can't. I try too hard to be nice to those who i feel need it, what a waste.
Going to play Mercs 2 for the rest of the night. Anybody who reads this, text me.

Tonight

I think ill just chill on the net, telling people how 'I find you sexually attractive.' Fun,

Day

Work, boring except for Liam. City, always great seeing Jenn, but i was on the cold side, wearing my 50L singlet. Now im home, i think i might skate down to Subway. Tad hungry.

Work

Killer. A job that used to take 3 people 4 hours, now is just me for 3 hours. Cool.

Fuckin'

I need balls mate. There is one girl at school, can't keep my eyes off her. But of course, im a dick and cant talk it up, and shes from a completely different walk. No chance.

Rain

Ruining my day yet again. Like, i enjoy it, but when im trying to skate and shoot, it messes shit up.

Girls

As much as i hate it, there are 3 girls who will never escape my mind or heart. Best bit, they are the 3 who i will never have.

Want

I want a big house, a good friend who is a modelling agent, and a studio. Then i'd have a chance.

Deal

Okay, so yesterday was the biggest drainer ever. Work was dumb, reduced to one grill. Silverback was sick, but standing just killed me. Then sisters 21st, Nicky was on my back about photos the whole time so it just got annoying. Was so glad to get home.
Today, got up early and got to Aesthetic, learnt a new song with the boys, hopefully this gets further than BBE did. Did live recordings, i messed up a bit, but oh well.

Simple

Yesterday was great. Just got out, missed school, skated around taking a few photographs. Ive only used half my roll of film, so next time i do it, have to travel round some more.
Bigday ahead today. 5 hours work soon, then bit of a rest, Silverback and Sun Tzu, then home to clean up and then to sisters 21st. Fuck that.

Alright

In somewhat of a decent mood. Went to Spargo's for dinner, host was really nice, talked to him about vegetarianism. Work was shit because Edward is a dick. Day was boring as. But got a good meal, so im okay.

School

School is bullshit mate. Software, fucked around with each others computers, psych, just chilled and got told off for answering too much, multimedia, drifted for a period then left early because it was a substitute, english, just started writing lyrics for my song, which i have re-written and started re-recording. Bust my soundcard so temporarily on halt.
The world needs to man the fuck up. I say anything these days, every cunt takes offence to it. How about you learn to deal with it.

Mate

Some kids are fucking pathetic. 'Still young,' fuck off. By now you should understand yourself and life somewhat. Ill give you one thing, you treat relationships like youre only 12. 'YOURE MINEEEEEEE.' Grow up, learn to keep your life to yourself.

FFFFFUUUU

Back to school, do not want.

Falling

Just gave in, ive resisted so long. I miss it so much, and i hate it so much. Im paranoid about everything i read, im getting angrier every second. Fucking, sucks.
I miss Gabe, bitch leaves me for Bali, and texts me about how good it is, hating on her at the moment. Enjoying talking to Abbey though, shes pretty nice, and pretty.
Anyway, im getting shat on by work again. Shifts cut when im on, makes it difficult for me and others, store trying to save themself less than half an hours worth of profit by putting everyone under pressure.
I need a car and a license, drive to Bendigo, Frankston etc. where i have friends i want to see and spend time with. Its getting to the point where friends i used to have faith in have just abandoned me. Thank god for ESJC though, tightest set of boys, going to live with them, fuck getting a wife.

Stoked

Not stoked. The heading is a lie. I hate churches. Waste of forests. All the wood for something that doesn't exist, useless. I will sit through the ceremony, not standing, not kneeling, sit and talk to Abbey. Hymns, shut up, prayer, shut up and so on. If your god is all-powerful, couldn't he convert everybody to his religion of choice?

Miss

I miss Anglesea, i miss Gabe and texting her for free, instead of 50c, i miss, that's about it at the moment. Anglesea is the biggun, everything sucks after those good vibes.

Glad

Im glad im past that now, my mind is re-opened, worlds off my shoulders, excited. Im going to miss Gabe, has to leave me for Bali.

Gabe

Just found out how today could have been so much better, haha, girl is a laugh. Abusive, but great.

Bruno

Shit movie mate. Borat was much better, but like every movie is has highlights. I dont even care, met Gabe today, lovely girl, and gorgeous as all heck. Im eating chips now, and i think i might play some Halo soon. Not much to say today, seeing Gabe and buying Cold Streets has cheered me up. Im over the whole Alex thing now, i figure shes missing out, ive treated her right, shes done wrong by me. Easy.

Re-Tribute

Josh, we have our conflicts, but you're such a strong kid, im always here for you man

Tribute

I think i should really pay respects to some people. Jennifer, youre always there for me, even though i did things to you that no girl deserves. Nadeemy, thanks for always being solid. Justin, Liam, James, Daniel, the best blokes to exist, such a solid group of boys, always have my back, and ill always have theirs. If i missed you, theres a reason.

Fallen

Everything is just dropping my mood. The most perfect day of my life, just, nothing. The only reason I even have the effort to do this right now is because Spina, Nat, and Jenn managed to salvage any hope i had in my heart today.
And to further it, my good family friend and somewhat hero, Lou Cara, has passed away, after years of battling leukemia. The man was solid, from pushing me in my younger running days, to watching us at netball, he was such a strong figure in my life. He always gave me reason to run when i was younger, i want to do something to honour him.

Sam.

You are fucking worthless. Time and time again i've offered you everything i have, you've meant the fucking world to me. I've tried harder than i have with any other girl, and never let it die, but fuck you, you're fucking dead to me. You have no future.

Sick

Im sick of fucking heartless cunts.

Anglesea

It was absolutely amazing. I was devastated when we were leaving, such an amazing weekend. Took some great photos, had some great fun, cleared my mind heaps. Talked to Leah heaps, shes great, worked up the courage to give a girl my number, turns out she was a prick. Still deciding whether i want to see Alex tomorrow.
Extreme Sand-Jump Crew, made my holidays, deadset, photos will be up on my myspace soon.

Angelsea

Going away today, and in light of a few things, it might relax me a bit. Works still bullshit, Mum's still over-parenting, sister is still rot. Nothing changes, as much as you think something changes slightly, it is always the same in the end. 3 things are certain in life, death, taxs, and Hilltop Hoods working the mic. Good shit, can't get enough.
Wont update til like Tuesday or Wednesday, hope all is well til then.

Cooking

Alright, wanted to do this for the last few days, so tonight I am making pasta pie. Just prepared the base, used shortcrust pastry, hoping its the right gear. Ill cook my pasta about 6, mix in my sauce and a lot of fucking cheese (Sorry Alex), chuck it in the base, coat with cheese and cook it a bit, then top with puff pastry, egg glaze and finish off the puff pastry AND VOILA. Keen as.

Solved

You know what, fuck it:
I'm angry
I'm selfish
I'm arrogant

But at least i can fucking admit it.

More

More war, again victimized by my parents. I make one little comment, and i get in shit, when she talks about me to people at work. Mum takes it out on me because she can give it, but can't take it, Mum knows it but wont say it, Dad openly agrees with it. I'm glad my Dad at least has the balls to stand up for both sides of the stories, and he reasons properly, calm, instead of yelling back at me.
Work was good fucking fun, Quinny is a mad dog, love working with the kid, and Alister, sick dudes. Decent crew tonight, was good fun, then come home to this bullshit, im just going to plan a few things, got work tomorrow morning. Out.

Today

Post work, what a waste of a day. The only productive thing i did was whip up a background for this, which you should give feedback on if you get the chance.
Anybody who actually reads this and has my number, message me. If you dont have my number, ask for it if you think id give you it.

Sick

Sick of so much right now. Leather jackets, fuck off you trendy fucks, everyone claims to have had them before they were cool, but probably didnt wear them until they were cool more like it. Even worse is the vegetarians and vegans that wear them, it defeats the purpose. Even if you do it for health reasons, understand there are moral reasons for it. Even the fake leather jackets, they still present the same message. Im also sick of this faux art scene that goes with it. Every kid thinks they can draw nowadays, and most of it is horrible shit. I can't draw, and i leave it that. Ill stick to photos and computers, thanks.
Continuing, my sister is trash. She talks so much shit behind my back, but won't face up. And my manager is the same, twisting my words to get his way at work. Fucking hypocrites.
I finally got my beanie out of dads ute, messing around with it to get it right again. Alex is at work, so tempted to journey up and visit, really cant wait to see her. And fucking yeah, Angelsea this coming weekend, so keen. This week will be the longest until I get back down to the coast. And hopefully seeing Gabe Thursday will be mad fun. Wednesday I will be in town to see Ali's exhibition, so anybody keen to see me, get in touch.

Hypocrisy

The world, is full of narrow minded fucking hypocrites. At work, i get called angry, because they mess up. I'm told i am rude to people, when they spend their time making new names for me and bitch about people behind their backs. Who's rude, sorry? Worked the last 3 days, got 3 more ahead of me, going to see Ali's exhibition Wednesday, work Thursday, then Angelsea. Cannot wait. I'll just have Alex on my mind all the time though, its basically constant now. I can't wait to see her. I cant remember half the shit i wanted to say today, so if it comes to me, ill get on it.

Quick

Just a few morning thoughts. I hate how people respond to a proper argument with sarcasm and a smile when you try to be serious, its just stupid. They won't admit it, but they know they can't reply seriously, so they take the most irrational words and say them. Please tell me how a talk about vegetarianism ends with 'Suck a dick ;)'
Anybody who can make that link, tell me.

Work

Work sucked tonight, had to train a kid on McKeys again, he wasn't as bad as some though. Rhe was on and off as per usual, talked to Alex a bit more :D
Caused trouble at home, so good. Got my sister in shit, she cried and ran off, love life right now. But i cant do my homework until tomorrow when its due. Yeah, im out of things to write.

Joke

My school is a joke, no arguments possible. Again, Ben, Nick and I got kicked out of class within the first 20 seconds today, because we laughed at the teacher saying he would kick somebody out. Dumb as. Multimedia im so far ahead i may as well not come, Psychology im cruising, and English is just boring as hell.
Nick gave me a lift home, good as trip, blasting to the Red Shore, stopping for solos, amazingly fun time for something so simple.
Work tonight, not keen on it, but need the money for food and Telstra credit. I have a Telstra number for messaging a girl, stupid but totally worth the effort. For the most part im using my Optus number though. Bit bored with who is talking, so get at me if you read this.

Plans

Keen as for holidays, Angelsea with the boys, seeing the dreamiest girl ever, and i'll begin research for my SAT 2 folio. I'll just cruise around town, head out not so far from town, find some spots i can photograph, just an amazing feeling being out on the board.
I want to change my room up a bit, take out the base, leave the mattress, move it around, buy some paint, spend a day painting, heaps keen on this.
Really can't wait for the day after Break Even, even if i cant go, ill get to see the most amazing girl ever.
Psyched on a lot of things, but still got 2 more days of school and 4 shifts of work before we get there, hoping they go by fast.

Beginning

Ive found that writing my thoughts can often be relieving, so i will do it in a way more natural to me. Hopefully i'll stick to this, post often. I want to avoid the bullshit fancy language that people barely understand but use on blogs, ill write how i feel most naturally.